Can't Spell "You Freakin' Suck" w/o FSU

UC Santa Barbara may not have the most storied collegiate football program in the country. However, Gaucho fans have long taken solace in the fact that we've been undefeated since 1992...only problem is that we've also not had a team since 1991. A fact that I couldn't ignore when Tarbell called asking if we'd be interested in attending the Emerald Bowl at PacBell (yes, PacBell) Park, featuring his beloved UCLA Bruins and the generally despised Florida State Seminoles.

Needless to say, we jumped at the opportunity and on December 27th, everyone left work early and headed to Cal-Train for the ride up to the City. Tarbell supplied Harris and I with Bruin tees so we could blend in and act like we were one of the clan. Melinda, Erin, Zimmerman, Marissa and Marissa's neighbor also made the trip up with us. With the exception of possibly Tarbell, Zimmerman is generally referred to as the 'smartest person' in our group. He managed to seriously put that title in jeopardy when he showed up for the train sporting a blue American Eagle shirt with "Eagle" written across the front. In the end, we decided that if he left the front of his jacket open at just the right angle, everyone would assume that the "...LE" in 'eagle' actually was the "...LE.." in 'Los Angeles' and he might pass for Bruin fan. We also decided that he should have just called Chris and asked for a shirt.

The train was packed with Bruin fans and it turned into a 'tail-gate' party without a tail-gate. The beauty of the Cal-Train system is that you can have drinks on the train. No one is quite sure how this is possible, but much like receiving an accidental upgraded to first class, no one wants to ask and potentially ruin a beautiful thing. While we enjoyed our 40oz's, Erin (who was sick) battled her way through some cider, and by the time we arrived at 4th & King, 'Fun Erin' was ready to party!

Once off the train, we mosey-ed over to Momo's, where UCLA students and alumni were holding pre-game festivities. We ran into a bunch of Tarbell's college chums, including Whitey. It was here that 'Fun Danny' made his first appearance. I managed to become best friends with a member of the Class of '72, who obviously mis-read my "UCLA" shirt and thought it said "I give a damn, please tell me your life story while we wait for the bathroom".

Once inside the park, we found our seats and enjoyed a hell of a game. UCLA was actually in the driver seat for most of the game. But FSU coach Bobby Bowden sold what was left of his soul to the devil at half-time, and FSU coasted to victory in the end. While Bowden was cashing in on the last of his 21 Grams, we met up with Erin & Josh and checked out the seats where the rich people sit. Erin's folks, brother and brothers girlfriend were also there...and believe me, the Hafey/Zimm wedding is going to be the event of the year! At half-time, we also learned that if your band is call "Seminole County", and your doing the half-time show for a bowl game in California that features UCLA...prepared to be boo'd the ENTIRE performance.

Unfortunately UCLA was not destined to win this one. That loss to the Gauchos in the NCAA Men's Soccer National Championship must have damaged the Bruin psyche more than we had realized. Regardless, the night was a success. And while I hate to see UCLA playing in a mid-level bowl, it wouldn't break my heart to have them back at PacBell again next year.

First Annual McGurk Olympics

The 'First Annual McGurk Olympics' were held over Turkey Day weekend. Germany, Russia, Scotland and Yemen were all honorably represented...although everyone agreed that Scotland's uniforms kicked the most ass (even if they didn't say it out loud). The Yemen...um, Yemeneese...Yemenites...ok, Kindra and JJ did a
great freaking job of setting everything up. There was an Olympic torch (harvest candle), numerous events and a great deal of trash-talk. It was one of those goofy afternoons that you would see on the 'Brady Bunch', and it was a blast...call me old-fashioned if you want to, but you know deep down, in places you don't want to talk about...that you want to be on that wall.

Scotland jumped out to an early lead in the 'Lawn Bowling' event, but struggled until much later in the afternoon. Yemen came back strong in the 'Balloon Toss', where most teams were just happy to get through the event without taking an early shower. Here, the Commies demonstrate their 'far left' balloon throwing
technique. If you look closely, you can see the balloon about to burst on Julia...and even though she did manage to avoid getting soaked, I did douse her with an extra balloon a short time later...and she promptly got me back while I was picking up pieces of the popped balloons and protecting the environment...further proof that Commies hate hippies.

Deutschland came back strong when the games moved back inside. The Fear Factor-esk 'Eating Game' was a little rough on everyone. Admittedly, worms (gummie) and mush (baby food) aren't that hard to force down, but finishing it all off by chewing on a lemon that takes the coffee stains off your teeth did turn some stomachs. Here, Mom struggles to dominate her portion of gefilte fish (you know, a ground deboned fish recipe using a variety of kosher fish meat that is then made into fish loaves or balls...balls that look a lot like deer turds. Generally, those of us from the Tribe eat gefilte fish to avoid "borer" (selection/choosing)...you know, one of the 39 categories of activity prohibited on Shabbat derived from the Torah as outlined in the Mishnah...seriously people this is common knowledge...'goyim' my ass).

The final event was the 'Obstacle Course'. One team member was blind folded while the other had to verbally give instruction on how to navigate the course. Generally, this worked out well...unless my...err, 'your' teammate was laughing so hard that instructions were limited to squeaks and "go forward until you run into the tree". The Russians used their uncanny Commie-communication skills to finish just ahead of Yemen in the event and take the gold medal in the First Annual McGurk Olympics. Here, JJ demonstrates his 'drag-queen cone navigation' technique...he is one sexy beyatch ain't he?!

It was a hell of a day, and we're already looking forward next year.